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4 Things Folks w/o Child Custody Problems Need to Know about Child Custody…

4 Things Folks w/o Child Custody Problems Need to Know about Child Custody…

There are folks with Child Custody issues and folks that know and care about someone with Child Custody issues. Do you have a friend or family member in need? The answer is most likely “Yes.” We hope this article will provide helpful information to those we lovingly refer to as “Team Members,” “Stakeholders,” and or even “Customers,” those that know, love and support our Clients, a term which has a more standardized, legal and distinct meaning. 

For the sole purposes of the readability of this article, we will refer to your loved one with a Child Custody issue as your Friend and use the feminine pronoun, although it may be your son trying to get more time with your grandchild, a coworker who’s stressing at the office, or anyone you care about and whom you have a unique and wonderful opportunity to help. Well then, Child Custody Team, here’s what you need to know…

~ click here to book your Child Custody consultation at www.ThinkFoxtrot.com/public_calendars/~

  1. You are just as important as we Child Custody lawyers are in this process, if not moreso…

When we at Foxtrot talk about a Child Custody “Team” it’s not just wordplay. It means that your role, as a sounding board, crying shoulder or cheerleader is just as important as our role as Child Custody lawyers. Here are a couple of specific reasons why.

– we do not know, and will never know, your Friend the way you do…

In any given Child Custody case, there are honestly only between 3 to 7 facts or issues we absolutely need to know about and flesh out to be effective. (Try getting into much more than that you risk losing the Judge’s attention and focus on that which your Friend considers to be most important).

– we do not love, and will never love, your Friend the way you do…

We keep the commandment to love our neighbors, and our Clients certainly qualify, but that neighborly and professional love, advice and advocacy is devoid of the unique kind of intimacy you have with your Friend. Further, ours may need be a “tough” and maybe even painful love as we seek to help your Friend realize and accept responsibility for how her current identity, beliefs and actions have been complicit in allowing the current situation to develop into what it is.

Your love can and often needs to be delivered with a much softer touch. Our interaction with our clients is most efficient when it pertains to actionable information and implementation over which our Client has a significant degree of agency and control, but not when it’s really just venting about the Other Side, which leads me to…

– we are overpaid and underqualified as a shoulder to cry on…

The most efficient allocation of our time, energy and operational resources, and thus our Client’s investment of time, energy and financial resources, is on that which will have the optimal effect in terms of advice and advocacy through litigation as well as logistical, day-to-day operations of a Child Custody relationship with the Other Side. 

That doesn’t mean that it’s not important to vent. It’s just not important that you vent to us. Check out 6 Vices, and Virtues of Venting on Psychology Today for some #science and practical discussion on that. The Crying Shoulder, the Counselor, the Pastor all have a crucial role in this process, but proceed with !!!Caution!!! because…

~ click here to book your Child Custody consultation at www.ThinkFoxtrot.com/public_calendars/~

  1. We know you mean well, but you’re not a Child Custody lawyer…

And you shouldn’t act like one. When love and emotional support crosses the line into substantive advice, you can and will do your Friend more harm than good. Guess what the Child Custody lawyers at Foxtrot Family Law do when our Friends inevitably ask us at dinner about an Estate battle or Employment Law issue… “That’s tough and I’m sorry you’re having to deal with that. How are you feeling? I’m here for you and I know you’ll get through this, but you know who you need to talk to…” and we’ll strongly encourage our Friend to seek the substantive advice and advocacy of a trained professional.

So so very much of our advice to our Clients is counterintuitive (and a lot of it is general in nature and available for free on our Blog at www.ThinkFoxtrot.com and Facebook page). We think like lawyers. You think like a human. So…

You don’t know because you don’t know, and that’s perfectly okay. (Thank God we don’t all think like Lawyers, right!) 

You might work at Boeing and I haven’t the first clue how planes fly. You really, really, really just need to lend an ear here, but your Friend is inevitably going to ask “what should I do?” and, I’m about to give you permission to give one piece of advice that WILL help on a substantive level…

~ click here to book your Child Custody consultation at www.ThinkFoxtrot.com/public_calendars/ ~

  1. Your Friend’s situation will NOT get better on its own…

And it will likely get worse before it gets better. A lot of the science nerds around North Alabama call it entropy, or a gradual decline into disorder. That’s what is going to happen in your Friend’s Child Custody situation.

We love terminology at Foxtrot, if you haven’t noticed, and we have admittedly and intentionally pejorative terms for “hanging in there” or “getting through this” without exerting some sort of agency or force on and in the situation:

– tolerating

– complicity

– victimhood, (which despite the modern social / political climate, we consider a bad thing)

You’ve probably heard someone say “you get what you tolerate,” and nowhere is that more true than in Child Custody. 

If you’re not holding your Friend accountable and letting them know that doing nothing about the situation is what got her to where she is, and that if the situation really is anything less than what’s best for her child than she’s committing treason to her family by allowing the situation to persist, then you should be. “Tough” love isn’t just for us at Foxtrot.

When you love your Friend enough to hold them accountable and call them out for allowing the Child Custody situation to continue or get worse with getting the professional help they need, then this is the last, but perhaps most important, thing you’ll need to know for now…

~ click here to book your Child Custody consultation at www.ThinkFoxtrot.com/public_calendars/ ~

  1. Your Friend will need some money…

You can save up for a car or for a down payment on a house, but no one ever really plans for a Child Custody issue (if love was a plane nobody’d get on, right?).

It would be the rare situation in which your Friend mentions to you “Soooo….I need X thousand dollars to get a new, used car in the next 5 days and there aren’t 11 different companies throwing high interest financing at me so I can spread out the payments,” but that’s exactly what’s happening in a Child Custody case, except it’s not a mere mode of transportation but your Friend’s children.

Like I said, if your Friend needed a car there would be financing or Uber. If your Friend needed a medical procedure there would hopefully be insurance. Child Custody is expensive and it damn well should be (for the same reasons good teachers should make bank but that’s a different discussion), but there is little to no specialized, secondary market to help folks that need it pay for it.

Your Friend might even be ashamed to ask, but if your Friend is the kind of parent you know she is and if you are the kind of friend you know you are…as the Good Book says… “God loves a cheerful giver.”

~

This article contains general information and should not be construed as legal advice for you and or your unique situation. If you would like to speak more about how you, as a Committed Parent or Caring Relative, can be more effective in your Child Custody case, please visit www.ThinkFoxtrot.com/public_calendars/ to schedule your initial consultation at one of our offices. ~SW, Foxtrot