A Child Custody Devotional – Matthew 7:1
You shall not judge, lest you be judged.
This is a fitting verse to study considering our craft, trade and profession at Foxtrot Family Law. Without knowing you might think we sit around, telling our clients the “right” and “wrong” or “good” or “bad” thing to do. The exact opposite is true.
We, at Foxtrot, and ironically as it might seem, actually work in “no judgment” zone, just like your gym or your cycle studio. This has become fundamental to who we are at Foxtrot from both an operational and philosophical standpoint. Here’s why…
1. You’re a grown up.
And we don’t say that in a classic Southern “I’m not your mama” kind of way where we’d obviously be judging your actions and decisions. We say that with love and respect to what you’ve been through, to why you’re on our doorstep at Foxtrot, to all that we’ll never be able to understand as well as you do this very moment. Everything that you are and everything you’ve been through has prepared you to be this unique person in your own and in a child’s life. Who the heck are we to judge that one way or the other?
2. It’s your family.
And who are we to tell you how to run your family and your household? …how to raise your child? That’s right, nobody.
We’re here to ask questions, to identify your goals. We can advise you regarding the cause and effect relationships present in the law, co-parenting and relative caregiving. You are the one who will make a decision for your family. Foxtrot then advocates without judgment based on what’s important to you. You hire us. We work for you. We might consult on the script but once you say action we’re Daniel Day-Lewis going full method.
3. It works.
If you read enough non-fiction, self-help, philosophy and or business texts, in which I include the Christian Bible, you’ll start to see the same principles over and over again. Non-judgment is a prime example.
In his book, The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success, author Deepak Chopra discusses non-judgment as a gateway to “pure potentiality.” Sometimes we jump ahead in our minds to categorize an idea as good or bad rather than simply asking, “what if I did X?” If we are quick to judge, we inevitably miss out on innovation, on blue oceans and green fields in our lives.
Judgment identifies the ideas and actions with which we’re comfortable, not necessarily those which are most effective or best align with our goals and our mission.
Our craft and trade at Foxtrot is scientific method. Each interaction, case or project is an experiment and we try to be non-judgmental scientists. We’re either exploring causes and effects in a new, unique situation or testing and confirming the cause and effect relationships we’ve seen in previous cases and research. If you’ve ever watched Mythbusters, we try something, see what happens, say “that’s a result,” learn from it, and move forward win, lose or draw, doing so all without judgment.
- Pay attention to the dozens of mini- and micro- judgments you make each day, whether you deem it to be good or bad.
- When making decisions in your life or your case, think “cause and effect” rather than “right or wrong.”
- There are unintended effects with each decision and action. As we’ve said before, there’s no free lunch. Therefore, prioritize your highest goals and mission and non-judgmentally accept that which comes along with the most effective course of action.
Be still and know that I am God… Psalm 46:10
Let any one of you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone… John 8:7