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What is Equanimity and Why is it a Superpower in Divorce and Child Custody…?

Equanimity is a state of mental calmness, composure, and even-temperedness, especially in difficult or challenging situations. It is derived from the Latin word "aequanimitas," which means "evenness of mind" or "balance." People who possess equanimity are able to maintain their emotional balance and mental clarity under pressure, without getting overly disturbed or reactive.

In various philosophical and spiritual traditions, including Buddhism, Hinduism, and Stoicism, equanimity is considered an important quality to cultivate for personal growth, spiritual development, and overall well-being. Developing equanimity can help individuals handle stress, reduce emotional reactivity, and foster a more balanced and resilient approach to life.


Developing equanimity requires practice and mindfulness. Here are some practical tips to help cultivate this quality in your daily life:

1. Mindfulness meditation: Regular mindfulness meditation can help you become more aware of your thoughts, feelings, and bodily sensations. This awareness can help you observe your emotions without getting caught up in them, thereby promoting equanimity.

2. Deep breathing exercises: When you feel emotionally overwhelmed or stressed, practice deep breathing exercises to calm your body and mind. This can help you regain your composure and maintain equanimity.

3. Cultivate gratitude: Focus on the positive aspects of your life by keeping a gratitude journal or simply taking a few moments each day to acknowledge the things you're grateful for. This practice can help create a more balanced perspective and foster equanimity.

4. Practice non-attachment: Try to let go of the need to control outcomes and accept the impermanence of situations. Embrace change and recognize that both positive and negative experiences are temporary. This can help you develop a more even-tempered approach to life.

5. Develop self-compassion: Treat yourself with kindness, understanding, and forgiveness, especially during difficult times. Recognize that everyone makes mistakes and experiences challenges. By being kind to yourself, you can cultivate a more balanced emotional state.

6. Maintain perspective: When faced with challenges, remind yourself that setbacks are a natural part of life and that they can provide opportunities for growth and learning. Keeping a broader perspective can help you maintain equanimity in difficult situations.

7. Surround yourself with positive influences: Seek out individuals who exhibit equanimity and learn from their example. Surrounding yourself with positive role models can help reinforce your own efforts to develop this quality.

8. Practice patience: Develop patience and tolerance for yourself and others. Recognize that everyone is on their own unique path and that setbacks are inevitable. Cultivating patience can help you maintain a calm and even-tempered demeanor.

9. Limit exposure to stressors: While it's impossible to avoid all stressors, be mindful of situations, people, or environments that trigger stress and try to limit your exposure to them. This can help create a more supportive environment for developing equanimity.

10. Reflect on your progress: Regularly evaluate your progress in cultivating equanimity. Recognize and celebrate your successes while also identifying areas where you can continue to grow and improve.

Remember that developing equanimity is a lifelong journey and may require consistent effort, patience, and practice.


Who are some experts on Equanimity?

Getting through a challenging Divorce or Child Custody case is about far more than having a good lawyer and working through the arduous legal processes. To be truly effective and come out the other side stronger, it absolutely must be as much if not more of an inward journey as an outward one. Frankly, if you’re not “doing the work” all the legal wrangling in the world isn’t going to matter much.

Consider reading up and learning from these masters of Equanimity:

1. Thich Nhat Hanh: A Vietnamese Zen Buddhist monk, teacher, and poet, Thich Nhat Hanh has written extensively on mindfulness, meditation, and equanimity. His teachings emphasize the importance of cultivating inner peace and compassion.

2. Pema Chödrön: An American Buddhist nun and author, Pema Chödrön has written numerous books on mindfulness, compassion, and equanimity. Her teachings encourage individuals to embrace difficult emotions and experiences as opportunities for personal growth.

3. Jon Kabat-Zinn: A pioneer in the field of mindfulness-based stress reduction (MBSR), Jon Kabat-Zinn has explored the role of mindfulness and meditation in promoting equanimity. His work has been influential in integrating mindfulness practices into mainstream Western medicine and psychology.

4. The Dalai Lama: As the spiritual leader of Tibetan Buddhism, the Dalai Lama often discusses the importance of developing equanimity, compassion, and wisdom in order to attain inner peace and well-being.

5. Epictetus: A Stoic philosopher from ancient Greece, Epictetus emphasized the importance of cultivating equanimity by focusing on what is within our control and accepting what is not. His teachings have influenced modern Stoicism and the development of cognitive-behavioral therapies.

6. Sharon Salzberg: An American meditation teacher and author, Sharon Salzberg is a prominent figure in the field of loving-kindness meditation (metta) and has written about the importance of cultivating equanimity as one of the "four immeasurables" in Buddhist practice.

7. Bhante Gunaratana: A Sri Lankan Theravada Buddhist monk and author, Bhante Gunaratana has written extensively on meditation and mindfulness, including the development of equanimity as a key factor in spiritual growth.

8. Eckhart Tolle: A spiritual teacher and author, Eckhart Tolle's teachings focus on the power of the present moment and the importance of cultivating inner stillness and equanimity in the face of life's challenges.


Equanimity in Divorce…

Equanimity can be particularly helpful during a divorce, as it enables individuals to maintain mental calmness and composure in the face of a challenging and often emotionally charged situation. Some situations where equanimity might be helpful during a divorce include:

1. Negotiations and mediation: Equanimity can help you stay composed and focused during negotiations or mediation sessions, allowing you to make rational decisions and avoid getting caught up in strong emotions or reactions.

2. Coping with emotional turmoil: Divorce can trigger a range of emotions, including sadness, anger, and anxiety. Equanimity can help you manage these emotions more effectively, allowing you to acknowledge and process them without becoming overwhelmed.

3. Communicating with your ex-spouse: Maintaining open and respectful communication with your ex-spouse can be challenging during a divorce. Equanimity can help you stay calm and composed during difficult conversations, reducing the likelihood of conflicts or misunderstandings.

4. Co-parenting: If you have children, equanimity can help you maintain a stable and supportive environment for them during the divorce process. By remaining calm and composed, you can better address your children's needs and emotions and make decisions that are in their best interests.

5. Dealing with legal proceedings: The legal aspects of divorce can be complex and stressful. Equanimity can help you maintain a clear and focused mindset as you navigate the legal system, ensuring that you make well-informed decisions.

6. Managing stress: Divorce can be a significant source of stress, and equanimity can help you cope with this stress more effectively, reducing its impact on your mental and physical health.

7. Adapting to change: Divorce involves numerous changes in your personal and financial life. Cultivating equanimity can help you navigate these changes with greater ease and resilience, allowing you to adapt more quickly to your new circumstances.

8. Rebuilding your life: After a divorce, equanimity can support you in the process of rebuilding your life and moving forward with a sense of balance and inner peace.

By developing equanimity during a divorce, you can better manage the emotional, legal, and interpersonal challenges that may arise, leading to a smoother and more amicable resolution.


Equanimity in Child Custody…

Equanimity can also be beneficial during a child custody case, as it helps individuals maintain mental calmness, composure, and even-temperedness in a potentially stressful and emotionally charged situation. Here are some ways equanimity might be helpful during a child custody case:

1. Focus on the child's best interests: Equanimity can help you keep your child's best interests at the forefront of your mind, allowing you to make more objective and rational decisions that prioritize their well-being.

2. Communicating with the other parent: Child custody cases often involve difficult conversations and negotiations with the other parent. Equanimity can help you maintain a calm and respectful demeanor during these interactions, reducing the likelihood of conflicts or misunderstandings.

3. Coping with emotional stress: Child custody cases can be emotionally challenging for all parties involved. Cultivating equanimity allows you to better manage and process your emotions without becoming overwhelmed or reactive.

4. Navigating the legal system: Legal proceedings related to child custody can be complex and stressful. Equanimity can help you stay focused and composed as you work with your attorney and navigate the legal process.

5. Mediation and negotiation: If you and the other parent are participating in mediation or negotiation sessions, equanimity can help you maintain a clear and focused mindset, enabling you to effectively advocate for your child's best interests.

6. Managing uncertainty: Child custody cases often involve a degree of uncertainty, as the outcome can be influenced by many factors. Equanimity can help you better cope with this uncertainty by fostering a more balanced and resilient approach to the situation.

7. Co-parenting: Regardless of the outcome of the custody case, you will likely need to continue co-parenting with the other parent. Equanimity can support you in maintaining a positive and cooperative co-parenting relationship, which is crucial for your child's well-being.

8. Supporting your child: Equanimity can also help you provide emotional support and stability for your child during the custody process. By remaining calm and composed, you can better address their needs, concerns, and emotions.

By cultivating equanimity during a child custody case, you can better navigate the emotional, legal, and interpersonal challenges that may arise, ultimately benefiting both you and your child.


If you would like to learn more about how you, as a Committed Parent or Caring Relative, can stand up for yourself and be more effective in your Child Custody, Divorce, DHR or Adoption case, will you CLICK HERE to schedule your initial consultation at one of our offices?


This article contains general information and should not be construed as legal advice for you and or your unique situation. ~SW, Foxtrot

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